how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???