Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.