he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.