i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.