I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
