If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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