Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
