He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
