You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
