We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
