On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
