i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
