I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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