I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
