There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
