i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize