On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
