So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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