I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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