and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
