she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
