Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
