In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
