Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
