He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
