I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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