Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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