so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
