I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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