Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
