census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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