you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
