sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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