what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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