one might say we're banned from that church
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
