Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
