Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

don't go home with that guy from jersey

(626): View more from California

i know, not worth the blood test

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(951): View more from California

I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?

Fav 22 2726 948
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(713): View more from Texas

Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.

Fav 3 2847 951
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(336): View more from North Carolina

He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.

Fav 27 928 5127
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(404): View more from Georgia

Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

Fav 23 6214 959
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.

Fav 4 2506 1606
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.

Fav 6 1159 2804
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(317): View more from Indiana

Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?

Fav 3 842 510
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(330): View more from Ohio

Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017

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