so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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