I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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