I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
