I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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