God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
