My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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