I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
how drunk are you?
Several
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
