Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
