he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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