My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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