you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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