I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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