Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So here I am, sexting at work.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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