When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
