i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
