At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
