Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
