So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
