you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
