Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
