i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
