my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
