Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
