Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
