I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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