just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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